Undiagnosed: unexpected but not unusual

I’m often asked if I knew when I was pregnant that Orange would have disabilities. For many reasons that I have written about previously, I’m glad that I didn’t. His disabilities were completely unexpected.

When I started to realise that life might not be straightforward for Orange, I wanted to know why. Why was it that he couldn’t move his head, spluttered when he fed, slept all the time and did this odd stiff banana pose when we picked him up? Why didn’t he seek out my gaze like his older sister had? Why didn’t he smile? And what about that failed newborn hearing test?

When I googled, the answer I got was cerebral palsy.

I spent the first weeks of Orange’s life terrified that he had cerebral palsy and that no-one else had noticed.

Of course, over time, they did.

“I’m not sure about his muscle tone” said the GP at his 8 week newborn check. “Come back in four weeks, won’t you”, he said.

“Has he woken up yet?” said friends, half jovial at the fact my second baby slept so much he was more than making up for the pinned-eye waking torture of my first.

As the months rolled on, and Orange missed milestone after milestone, we were whipped into a system of genetic testing, brain scans and neurological assessments.

Nobody mentioned cerebral palsy. In fact, no-one mentioned any diagnosis at all.

At the time, I held on with hope that if a diagnosis could not be found, that meant Orange was fine after all. He would catch up with his milestones, it was just the stiff neck from birth causing his delays, that’s all.

Orange was almost one before anybody said to me that he would almost certainly have difficulties for life, that we wouldn’t know what they would be until he got bigger, and that we might never know the reasons why.

Until that point, I had no idea that ‘undiagnosed’ was even a possibility for a severely disabled child. And at the time, I also had no idea that there were others in the same nameless boat.

I had so many questions.

Would he walk? Would he talk? Would he need to go to a special school? What about epilepsy, I’ve read that’s a thing for lots of children with disabilities? How will I know if he’s having seizures? How long will he live?

Nobody could or would answer them.

I tried to answer them myself by reading every medical study and report available on the internet about rare genetic syndromes. But all that could be found there was fear. So I stopped.

I asked geneticists and neurologists about specific tests and syndromes. But all that could be found there was the result ‘normal’. Every medical test that Orange has ever had has recorded the result ‘normal’. So I have stopped that too.

There are no answers, except those that Orange is able to give us himself.

He is six now. He hasn’t walked. He hasn’t talked. He does go to a special school. And yes, he has epilepsy. And boy did we know when that started.

Without answers, for a long time we had hope that Orange would catch up. When he didn’t, we learned to replace that hope with a new one. That life could and would be fulfilling and wonderful anyway.

Orange has shown us that what an academic medical journal may have led us to believe would be a difficult and frightening life is anything but. They don’t tell you about the fun. The laughter. The sweet little habits. The kind hands. The bond you have with a child who needs you on a deeper level than most.

They also don’t tell you about the wonderful people you will meet when you have a child with disabilities. Kind and dedicated teachers who see your child’s personality and achievements and celebrate them with you. The respite carer and passenger assistant on school transport who become like extra grandmas.

The families you will meet, sitting alongside you in the boat without a name.

The friendships I have made with other families who also have undiagnosed children are what gets me through when there is no answer to a difficult question. Because while our children may all be different, often we are all floating about in the same unknown territory.

And there are thousands of us.

Every year, 6,000 children are born with an undiagnosed condition. SWAN UK is the only charity in the UK that provides support for families with an undiagnosed child.

It is through SWAN UK that I have made lifelong friendships. Together we celebrate our children, help each other out with ideas for equipment, home adaptions, how to handle meetings with medical and council staff, share frustrations, support each other through grief and loss, look out for each other’s mental health, laugh together, cry together.

But while our group is now at over 1,000 families, we know there are so many more who may need that support.

Today, it’s Undiagnosed Children’s Day, and we are asking people to help us find other families with undiagnosed children who may need support and friendship along this unexpected, but not unusual, path.

So if you know someone who might be in our shoes, put them in touch with SWAN UK.

Happy Undiagnosed Children’s Day!

A very public (in)convenience

This post first appeared as a guest post on the Cardew Physio & Performance blog as part of a series of blog posts promoting awareness of continence issues during National Continence Week.

I don’t know about you, but one of the reasons I’m not at Glastonbury this weekend with all the other mud-coated revellers is because I can’t quite get my head around the festival loo situation. Queuing up in the rain to use a long drop with no toilet paper is enough to put me right off going to Glastonbury, even with the most star-studded of line ups or luxury boutique camping on offer.

But can you imagine if there were no toilets at Glastonbury at all? Or if there were toilets that were only accessible to people over the height of 6ft 5? Or that would collapse if anyone over 10 stone entered the cubicle? There would be uproar among the hundreds of thousands of Glasto fans.

Or, quite simply, people wouldn’t go.

We have become used to toilet facilities being available to us pretty much wherever we go in the UK. Public toilets began being introduced in London in 1851 and since then have become a familiar feature of cities, towns, villages, attractions, public buildings and restaurants across the country.

It would be unthinkable to go for a day out in a public place or to a major event and there not be a toilet available, right? Wouldn’t it?

Unfortunately for some of the most vulnerable people in our society this is not the case. Until the advent of the Changing Places campaign in 2006 there were no toilets available in the whole of the UK for the ¼ million people who cannot use standard or typical accessible/disabled toilets.

According to Changing Places, this includes people with profound and multiple learning disabilities, motor neurone disease, multiple sclerosis, cerebral palsy, severe physical disabilities as well as some older people. A quarter of a million people.

This quarter of a million includes my son, Lawrence, who is five years old and wears a pad because his disabilities mean he does not have adequate control over his own toileting, or the ability to transfer to a toilet, even a ‘disabled’ one. He needs to be changed by a carer, regularly, throughout the day.

When he was tiny, we used the baby changing facilities like every other parent. Luckily, these have been installed in most public places and restaurants across the country because managers have recognised that families with young children are an important and valuable part of their customer base who have money to spend.

Unfortunately the same is not yet true for severely disabled people. A quarter of a million people. And their families.

In the vast majority of public places in the UK, the place where severely disabled people get changed by their carer is the toilet floor of the disabled loo. The filthy, often urine-soaked and dirty, toilet floor. A place that most people would only want the soles of their shoes to touch.

This is the now the reality we face with our little boy. The same reality faced by vulnerable, severely disabled people and their carers across the country. It is not safe. It is not dignified. It is not kind. It is often the reason why severely disabled people and their families are limited to local short trips out only, or why they very rarely leave the house at all. For many carers, lifting a disabled teenager or adult from a wheelchair onto the floor of a toilet and back again would quite simply be impossible, never mind the filth.

What people like our little boy need is a toilet that can be used in safety and comfort for both him and for us as his carers, which has more space than a conventional disabled loo and the right equipment – including an adult sized height adjustable changing bench and a hoist.

Changing Places have made great progress on campaigning for suitable toilet facilities for severely disabled people over the last 10 years, but there are still less than 1,000 across the whole of the UK. In Cornwall, where we live, there are only 10 Changing Places toilets in the whole of the county.

I am delighted to say that this will soon become 11, as a result of a local parent the new (and fabulous) Cornwall Services on the A30 has understood the need for these facilities and is fitting one as I type.

I am, though, sorely disappointed to see that in all the £17.6 million revamp of the Hall for Cornwall, there are currently no plans to install a Changing Places toilet, despite vocal campaigning from parent carer and disability groups.

John Lewis (a favourite retailer of mine until last week) responded to Changing Places a few days ago to say that they ‘didn’t have space’ to fit a Changing Places toilet in one of their flagship stores that has over 70,000 square footage of retail space. Imagine if they said they ‘didn’t have space’ to fit regular toilets, or if they said they didn’t have space for a café, or a shoe department? Unthinkable.

Already, even with Lawrence being quite small, we are finding ourselves planning family days out and long journeys around where there is a Changing Places toilet. We love the Eden Project, because they have a fabulous Changing Places loo, as do the Life Centre and Drakes Circus shopping centre in Plymouth. But beyond that, it’s pretty sparse. What will we do when we can no longer lift him ourselves and when we get sick of carrying around a mat soaked in urine from the toilet floor?

We will be isolated.

You see, it’s not just the person with disabilities who suffers when there is no toilet they can use. The lack of Changing Places facilities isolates entire families too. Families who have money to spend at your restaurant, shop, theme park, hotel or festival, just like everybody else.

So please, if you are a restaurant owner, a hotel, shopping centre or theme park manager, or a local authority public convenience planning officer (do they even exist?) then please, please fit a Changing Places toilet. Not only will you see the investment repay itself with new loyal customers but you will be changing lives.

Oh, and by the way? If you’re heading to Glastonbury this weekend and one of your party is severely disabled, you’ll be thrilled to hear that the festival has a Changing Places toilet in the Spring Ground Accessible Campsite. For everyone else, if you’re not keen on the long drops, you might want to check out the compost loos… Good luck 😉

It takes (more than) a village to raise a child (with an undiagnosed genetic syndrome) #thankyouteamorange

When Orange was not quite two, I remember counting in my head the number of doctors, nurses, specialist consultants, therapists and support workers that had been involved in our lives as a result of his difficulties since he was born. I was astounded when I got to 46 and was sure that I wasn’t done counting.

Since then, Team Orange has grown considerably. I stopped counting some years ago but in his five years I can be sure that well over 100 and probably over 200 health and social care professionals have been involved in Orange’s care to date. And that doesn’t include the hundreds of administrators and officials who we speak to day in day out to coordinate appointments, medication reviews and prescriptions, equipment deliveries and repairs, blue badges, disability benefits and education, health and care plans.

That’s an awful lot of people to welcome into your lives. An awful lot of people to open up to, to place your trust in and to rely on to do what’s needed for your child. An awful lot of people who need to work together, in a coordinated fashion, to deliver the right support and care for your child and for you, when you have no idea what you are doing and are learning as you go.

If I have learnt anything in raising a child who has severe disabilities and complex medical issues but with no diagnosis for his condition, it is that I cannot do this alone. It is too big a job.

6a954-orangedoodle

While I know that I am the world expert on my boy, I am not the world expert on epilepsy, hypotonia, dysphagia, arachnoid cysts or scoliosis. I also need to sleep, work, take care of Orange’s sister, be a wife, sister, daughter and all the other ‘normal life things’ that can get swept aside when you are a parent carer. I can only do ‘normal life things’ if we have help.

As much as there are (many) times when I just want to snuggle down with Orange and hide away from the perpetual merry-go-round of appointments, medical examinations, reports, meetings, phone calls, letters and assessments, I know that I would be doing Orange and all of us a dis-service if I didn’t build a solid team around us of people and professionals who can help. And lead this team to deliver what Orange needs to be safe, happy, well and fulfilled in his life.

When you have a child who has complex needs but no diagnosis there is no well-trodden pathway, no yellow brick road to follow.

No-one will show you the way.

Unsignposted

Here are some things I wish I had known, that would have given me confidence, in the early days of us discovering Orange had a syndrome without a name.

You will have to cut your own path, often in a forthright and determined fashion, even when you are at your most worn out and frightened. You will have to do this to access simple things like the right schooling, essential medical support, suitable childcare so you can work, or fit-for-purpose home adaptations for basic daily care like having a bath, or essential tasks like leaving the house. You will do it, because you are strong and because no-one else will.

Lots of people will enter your lives that you didn’t expect. Some invited and some uninvited. Sometimes this is exactly what you need. Sometimes it will drive you nuts. Often at the same time. Roll with it but know that you can press pause if you need to. You are in control.

You will learn to trust people. You will also learn when not to. Your gut instinct is always right. Use it. Lean on the people who you trust and ask for a change of professional in circumstances where you feel there is a lack of trust or understanding. You will know when you need to do this.

You will learn to ask for help (sometimes unceremoniously). This is something I wish I had learned sooner. It took me four and a half years to actually open up to a professional who could help us get the respite care we needed to keep our family on an even keel. It wasn’t pretty. Something akin to hanging a dirty nappy on the door, which one of my favourite SWAN bloggers made famous with her post on Complicated Gorgeousness about the lengths some parents have to go to in search of respite care. It shouldn’t be like this but often it is. Ask for help. Loud and clear. And do it now, don’t wait until you are at crisis point.

You will see the best in humankind and it will make your heart swell. And sometimes you will see the worst and it will make you want to sink into the ground. But most of the time you will just see people, normal people. Some who can answer your questions, some who can’t, and plenty who want to ask fountains of questions of you. Consultants, educational psychologists, social workers, parents of disabled children – these are all groups of people I had preconceived ideas about. And in the most part, I was wrong. We are all just people, for the most part trying to do our best in life and be fulfilled and happy. Remember that always.

You will find people just like you. You are not alone. There are thousands of families with children posing similar quandaries to professionals all over the world, who have complex conditions and no diagnosis, despite years of testing and the best, cleverest minds in genetic research on the job.

These people will hold you together when your child stops breathing and you are in an ambulance racing to hospital with a child in status epilepticus, not knowing if he will pull through.

These people will help you when you have to fill in 40 pages of disability living allowance forms that are not written with complicated, undiagnosed conditions in mind and you have no idea where to begin.

These people will celebrate with you when your child takes a small step that for them is a gigantic leap. Putting a spoon in their mouth for the first time, turning the page of a book, smiling in response to your smile, or squeezing your hand with affection.

These people will laugh with you, cry with you, rant with you, stand and campaign with you at Westminster, share your ups and downs, solve problems with you, hold your hand and drink wine with you.

These people are everybody who makes up the community that is SWAN UK, the small but growing charity that supports families who have children with undiagnosed syndromes.

Through SWAN UK we have found our people. Without them we would be lost.

Friday 29th April is Undiagnosed Children’s Day. On this day, we celebrate the support and love of SWAN UK, raise awareness of undiagnosed genetic conditions, and reach out to other families who may be feeling lost, or alone and unsure where to turn to for help.

Every year, as many as 6,000 children are born who have undiagnosed genetic conditions. They, and their families need your help. SWAN UK cannot keep going and keep delivering the support that it does without funds. This is why Mr K ran the London Marathon last weekend for SWAN UK, raising over £3,000 for the charity. You can still sponsor him here. Thank you.

I would also like to say thank you to all the professionals who are part of Team Orange, who help us negotiate this untrodden path. There are too many to name, but a special thank you goes to Orange’s school team, his school transport escort, his disabled children’s social worker and his school nurse, who provides our respite care. Thank you. We absolutely could not do this without you.

To end, here’s a little video with some great tips for professionals on how you can help families who have an undiagnosed child, and some lovely stories of professionals who are worth their weight in gold, who have gone above and beyond to help families with undiagnosed children.

Happy UCD2016!

What’s your why? #whyirunldn (Well, not me…)

Watching the London Marathon on the television as a child, I always used to think it was totally amazing that a human being could run 26.2 miles. It seemed like such a super-human feat when I was six. And thirty years on it still does. Which is precisely why it’s Mr K rather than me heading out there tomorrow morning with a six figure number strapped to his chest, an electronic tag on his shoe and vaseline in interesting places.

I often used to wonder why people did it? Why volunteer to put yourself through that? Blisters, chafing, awkward toilet trips, hmm, no thanks. But as I got older I started to understand why people challenge themselves to their limits and sacrifice their own comfort for the good of others.

And then we had Orange.

And then I was grateful to all those tens of thousands of runners who determinedly put one foot in front of the other for mile after mile after mile. And I began to realise that events like the London Marathon are so awe inspiring not just because of the superhuman physical and mental challenge, but because it brings people together.

It is people at our best. Regular, common or garden folk challenging themselves to do something super human, very often for other people who need help.

Every one has their own reason for wanting to run the London Marathon. Because it’s on their bucket list, because they entered the ballot for a laugh and got a shock when the pack dropped on the doorstep announcing ‘You’re IN!’, because they are an athlete, because they want to prove to themselves or others that they can, in memory of a loved one, or because they are raising money for a charity close to their hearts.

The reasons for running are many and varied but for us, for Mr K, it’s because having Orange has opened our eyes. Before we had Orange in our lives there was a whole world we didn’t understand, because we thought it didn’t apply to us. But it does. It applies to anyone and everyone in humanity.

Anyone and everyone could, one day, have a disability. Or a child with a disability. Or a parent who becomes disabled in later life. Anyone and everyone could, one day, become a carer. And while life is easier today for people with disabilities in the UK than it was even five or ten years ago (big up to the DLR for the wheelchair lifts and the Excel Centre for the Changing Places toilet by the way), it can still be a very hard place to be.

In our family, we don’t seem to like to do things the straightforward way either, so of course it should be no surprise to us or anyone else that in having a child with severe and complex disabilities, we also happen to have one who has no diagnosis for his condition. We have absolutely no idea why Orange has the disabilities he has and just about every medical test he has ever had (there have been many) has come back to say he is ‘normal’, whatever that means.

On 29th April 2016 it is Undiagnosed Children’s Day, led by SWAN UK, the small but growing charity that supports families like ours who have an undiagnosed child. It is no exaggeration to say that without SWAN UK we would not be able to cope with all the uncertainties and difficulties that come our way because of having a disabled child who has no diagnosis. With no diagnosis there is no prognosis, no known future, no pathways of care in the NHS to follow and no known programmes of therapy that can help. Everything is an unknown.

But we are not alone. There are thousands of families facing the same challenges. The daily challenges of disability but also the additional load of uncertainty that comes with having no diagnosis (disclaimer: people with some diagnosed but rare conditions face this uncertainty too).

And so, that’s our ‘why’.

Why wall

Today, Mr K took Orange over to the Excel Centre to get registered for the Marathon. While they were there they took a little video about their experiences and Mr K’s reasons for running London. Have a watch. And perhaps have a think about how you can help.

What’s your why?

Everybody can help to normalise disability, because it’s something that any of us can encounter in our lives, and probably will, in some capacity. It’s a small thing perhaps but a smile, instead of a stare, could change the face of someone’s day.

And the bigger thing is that all too often it all comes down to money. Disability is expensive. Support for people with disabilities is expensive. Support for their families and carers is expensive. So we would like to extend a massive and heartfelt thank you to everyone who has sponsored Mr K so far to run the London Marathon to raise money for SWAN UK.

Thank you.

For now, we are all tucked up in bed in our hotel overlooking the river. Significantly more comfortable than last time I sat up in bed looking out at this view while incarcerated in St Thomas’s postnatal ward, and more recently, in actual labour, with said Orange.

Vaseline is on hand, tagged running shoes are by the door, and a last minute dash for nipple band-aids has been made.

So night night from us, and go, go Mr K! See you at the finish line with a cold pint of London Pride.

To sponsor Mr K in the London Marathon 2016 click here!

The ‘WeWork’ mothers hit Westminster

Three years and three months ago, as I sat listening to the calming tones of hypnobirthing muzac in the garden suite at St Thomas’s Hospital, overlooking The Houses of Parliament, I never imagined that the baby I was about to give birth to would end up taking me to within the Palace walls.

Had I listened to the universe that day there were hints along the way that the little person making his way into the world would be important not just to us but on a greater scale. A (frankly odd and unexpected) hint of politics was thrown in to my stultifying hours in the labour ward and my soothing muzac was interrupted, momentarily, by the arrival of the Under Secretary of State for Health having a tour of the ‘superior facilities’… After she had asked if I was still alive as I sprawled myself in the only position that was comfortable across a faux fur birthing ball and into a bed full of plastic palm trees, I politely declined the suggested photo opportunity 😉

And of course 8 March 2011 marked the 100th anniversary of International Women’s Day, also known in some circles as International Working Women’s Day, which at the time I had no idea would prove to be so pertinent. As friends marched below across Westminster Bridge and beyond, on that crisp, sunny Spring day, representing women’s continued pursuit of equality, I knew nothing of what was to come, and how this baby of mine would alter my world view and throw me into an interest in politics I never knew I had.

As you will know, I have been involved for a few months now in raising awareness of the issues faced by working parents, particularly mothers, of children who have disabilities. Last month, a Parliamentary Inquiry into childcare for disabled children, which facilitates parents to work, was launched, and it was with huge pride that I stepped forward as one of a small selection of working mothers of disabled children to speak at the Parliamentary Inquiry hearing, giving evidence to the group of MPs who are taking the Inquiry forward.

I, along with my compatriots at PremmeditationsRosy & BoMama Lewis and ABA4All, had a unique opportunity to share our, often challenging, experiences of securing childcare for our complicated children, with a view to influencing future policy and clearing an easier path for those who may follow in our footsteps. It was an honour and a privilege to do so and proved to be an intense, emotional and deeply worthwhile experience.

As a small group of women speaking to represent many thousands of our kind, while our personalities, lifestyles, children and careers are all rich in their variety, our experiences shadowed one another with eerie repetition.

Universally, we have struggled to secure adequate childcare for our children. Judged by those who are publicly employed to provide support for families like us, we have been told variously that it is ‘frivolous and selfish to return to work’, that ‘mothers of children like ours don’t work’, that the funding which has been perilously patched in to allow our children to access limited childcare with much-needed 1-2-1 support ‘could be pulled at any time’ and ‘can never be guaranteed for any longer than eight weeks’.

As we explained to the MPs, currently, there is no statutory requirement on childcare providers to take disabled children. As a reflection of that, the majority of childcare providers simply aren’t set up to cater for much beyond the most mainstream of needs. And those rare diamonds in the dust that do exist will tell you that securing funding for children who need specialist input and 1-2-1 support to enable them to be safe and included in a childcare setting is one hell of a crusade.

Until recently, we have relied 100 per cent upon my mum to provide childcare for Orange to enable us both to work. Being entirely upfront, this has been no small issue for our family. If we had stayed in London, we would have been unable to find any childcare with funded 1-2-1 support and a specialist nanny being well beyond our means meant it was impossible for me to return to work. Had we not acted quickly, sold our home and left the city it is almost certain we would have eventually lost our home. With work a closed door to me and now on one income, the finances simply didn’t add up.

We were lucky in that we were able to make the absolute best of a very difficult situation, relocating all the way across the country with mum who could help support us and facilitate my return to work. I will admit this has been a glistening silver lining to our sombre cloud, since Cornwall in all its beauty has brought us a sublime quality of life and our compact and unusual extended family unit is a very happy one.

But many families who wear our brand of shoes have not been in favoured situations like ours. They have lost their homes. They have lost their careers. They have sacrificed their mental wellbeing and more, and face a future more dependent upon the State than they ever imagined. All too often, this is for the simple reason that they could not access adequate childcare for their disabled children. It simply wasn’t there. It is for these families that we speak.

The testimonies we shared at the Inquiry hearing weighed heavy with tales of anguish, determination, fear and frustration. Spurred on by financial imperative and cerebral calling to continue with our careers, even the most searing tenacity to find stimulating, safe, sunny and suitable early years care for our children has not overcome the recurring issues we face of transparency over funding, poor communication from local authorities and equality of access to childcare.

I am not alone in having been able to secure just six hours a week term-time 1-2-1 support for my child. He cannot attend a childcare setting without this support. At age three, he is legally entitled to access 15 hours a week of early years education in a childcare setting however he is prevented from doing so because the Local Authority has only secured six hours of 1-2-1 support.

And should we need more than 15 hours a week? To enable us to do a job part or even full time? Without the considerable financial means to fund both daycare fees and the hourly rate of a trained 1-2-1 carer, which would render most jobs economically unviable, there is currently no solution to this puzzle.

There seems to be no clear, accessible, ring-fenced funding within Local Authority budgets to pay for 1-2-1 support. If there is, we, and many others, have certainly not been told about it. As a parent, it appears that Local Authorities are clawing randomly from pots of money here and there to cobble together some semblance of minimal funding but there is no transparency over what exactly our children are entitled to, or how to access it.

In addition, no-one seems to be want to answer the question over why our children are all too often denied access to the full 15 hours a week of preschool education that they are statutorily entitled to, because 1-2-1 funding to match that simply isn’t there.

And beyond funding and Local Authority bureaucracy, there are societal and attitudinal issues at play. Our testimonies at the Inquiry exposed stories of endless attempts to find childcare places for our children, to be told ‘we can’t cater for children like yours’, ‘we’d love to have him but our insurance won’t cover us’, ‘our staff won’t cope’ or ‘we’ll put you on the waiting list’ (the never-ending waiting list of one…guess who?).

Frankly, it seems from the testimonies delivered to the Inquiry last week that the world is often afraid of our children and so it pushes them away. Finds reason to exclude rather than include. In our part of the world, we have not found this to be such an issue but in the society we left behind in London and the South East, exclusion is a way of life. One parent enquired with dozens upon dozens of nurseries to find a place for her daughter only to be told ‘no, we cannot cater for your child’s needs’. No parent, in the face of a looming financial necessity to return to work, should have to face that.

As parents, we have all had to adapt to cater for our children in ways we could never have anticipated. We were not experts in disability when our children were born. We had no experience of epilepsy care, tube feeding, daily physio for hypotonic bodies, Makaton or appropriate play for the visually impaired. We learnt on the job. We skilled up. Because we had to.

So it stands to reason, as we shared with the MPs, that there is no grounds for childcare providers to deny they can do the same. But they must be granted support in order to be able to do so. After all, they have businesses to run and many of them run an already very tight ship. Our children are, admittedly, expensive. So what’s the answer?

Placing a statutory requirement upon childcare providers to accommodate disability will only work if the funding is made available to support them. Funding to make their premises accessible, funding to train their staff in accommodating additional needs and funding to provide 1-2-1 support for the children who need it. My view is that this funding needs to be ring-fenced at a national level, or we shall face an increasingly unbalanced postcode lottery in service delivery.

But why? Why, when the austerity belt is still squeezing us tight should we be throwing money at something so seemingly niche? Surely we should just accept our lot and suck it up, right?

For a moment, I will put aside my passion about my right to work, and I will give you this. If I work, I am economically active. I am contributing to society. I am paying tax and delivering valuable communications support to businesses to help them grow. I am a professional and an expert in my field. In the business world, I have value to add.

Beyond that, I am a homeowner. An independent purchaser of things, payer of VAT and customer of businesses. I have no need for social housing or support from the welfare system. It pays for society to have people like me in work.

And for Orange? With just the limited six hours a week of preschool that he does get, he is coming on leaps and bounds. His 1-2-1 and nursery team work tirelessly and lovingly to include him in activities, enable him to communicate, teach him to feed himself and move his body. They have the time and the energy to facilitate his development in a way I can only ever limply shadow. The more input he gets now, the greater his chances are of being able to walk, talk and function in society as an adult. The more independence he can gain for his future, the lesser financial burden he will be upon the State.

It is simple economics.

But I shall also leave you with this. I echo Mama Lewis’s words at the Inquiry hearing when I say that the other children at nursery adore Orange. They inquire sweetly as to his differences and then unquestioningly rest them aside and include him in their play. The staff can’t get enough of his cuddles and his infectious laughter. They love caring for him. I know I am not being presumptuous when I say that children like ours bring light and joy to those that surround them. Adults and children alike learn that those who are seemingly less able than themselves contribute to the group in softer, less obvious ways and that the group is a richer, happier mix for their inclusion.

Mama Lewis asked the Inquiry ‘Are these not the values we want to instil in the next generation?’ The values that will be the building blocks of a society that genuinely cares for those who are vulnerable.

There is a slowly dawning realisation that inclusion is actually good for everybody. But this dawning is fragile and at risk of being swept aside by national and local policies that appears hell-bent on whipping the carpet away from under the feet of those in need.

And so I will continue my involvement with the Inquiry as it proceeds, playing my own small part in working towards a future that is one step ahead of our own.

Thank you to all the articulate and brilliant women who stood together in giving evidence to the Inquiry. We made a formidable team…

Here’s a great little illustration of why we did what we did: #wework